I see this girl in the hallways a lot, and I avoid eye contact. It’s been 6 years and my stomach is still in knots. I wish she told someone else, and I wish they could have reacted, I wish I was strong enough to help her. We don’t really talk, or even say hi in the corridors. Sometimes I wish I could tell her, explain to her, try to justify my selfish actions, but she probably doesn’t even remeber. But I hope she knows I was young, and I’m sorry.
Do you ever have those moments,
when you’re surrounded by all the people you trust, yet you feel so alone?
Someone once told me that the loneliest place is your own mind, and I don’t doubt it.
I guess I smile, and laugh, but today all I could think of was being 10,
costume in hand as I watched her sinking body quiver in her bed.
All I could think about was that night, those months, and that year.
Yet tonight I sat there, laughing smiling,
as my mind swarmed with the thoughts only I could hear
sometimes I wish I could just talk about it
but then again, it means I’d have to talk about it
and who wants that burden
I love that I know who I am. I hear so many of my peers talk about “self discovery” and I can honestly say I was born knowing who I am. I’ve never been the quiet girl, I’ve never been the reserved girl, I’ve been loud, I’ve been outgoing, I’ve been the girl to speak my mind. I’m motivated, and determained, I know what I can do, and I know I can acomplish anything. And most of all I know what I deserve, I know how I should be treated, and I know where I’m going, I know I’ll be okay. And I love that.
Instead of being supperficial like I’d generally be and say my appearance, I’ll say something of substance. Some people call it being in touch with your emotions, but I hate the fact that I cry so easily, and that I cry so often. I hate that the only people who can make me feel so low are the ones I care about the most. And I hate that I care, I hate that I want to please them. I hate that I have the unwavering need to make other people happy before myself, and I hate that I’m so trusting, I hate how vonurable I’ve let myself become.