I’m not sure if I’m excited or not. I used to pray for the days of bike rides and snow cones on the beach. But this is gonna be different. This will be interviews, morning runs, classes, notes, and growing up. And taking of the training wheels and hoping I wont fall. Or at least hoping someone will be there to catch me. The landmarks I set have been passed and all that’s left is the empty 107 days that lie before me. Taunting me to push, to succeed, to be everything I’m not.
107 days till I find out what I am, Who I am. And if that’s even good enough
lets start with the irrational ones: styrofoam… i hate it. so much. i cry. and scream when I’m near it. its becoming an issue….
spiders, the dark, slugs, the people in costumes at disneyland, blood, snakes, any sort of bugs.
but most of all, being alone. Like waking up one day and no one is left on the planet but me. And loosing people I love, I’ve dealt with alot of loss in my life and it’s the biggest fear that it’s going to happen again.
It’s because when you do, everyone thinks that something is wrong with you. They think “I have people in my life, why don’t you?” But the strange thing is, you can have people in your life and still be alone.
“You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too—even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”— Mitch Albom (Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson)
and maybe that’s not a good thing. to fill my hyperactive adolecent brain with fables and fantasies of you and me. of that fictitious “you” the one I have yet to meet.
I wish she saw him. Like really saw him. saw the potential he had, saw how much he unconditionally loved her. Because she was a summer bike ride and he was scary movies at dawn. Because no matter how different they were, their hearts beat at the exact same tempo. I wish she saw her eyes, how they light up at the mere sight of him. her smile that exceeds the capasity of her face, the laugh that unconspiculously slips from her lips when he says her name.
I wish they saw that they were perfect, together and appart, they were perfect.
Well, I honestly don’t look it as a bad experince, I had fun at the time, and I learned from it. But I would call it the “worst” expericne ive had with alch.
I was up on a hill in the middle of nowhere drinking with my friends. It was dark and I wasn’t monitering how much I was drinking, and in total I probably had somewhere between 7-10 shots, which is ALOT for a girl like me, im a total light weight. I can honestly say I blacked out for 90% of the night. The DD told me I was missing with a guy for a while, and that we hooked up, though neither of us remeber how far it went. I was incoherent, and yeah its weird thinking my best friend kind of took advantage of me while I was drunk, but he was wasted too, and was really sorry about it afterwards. I guess we were up there alone for a while, and by the time we had to go back to the car I was almost passed out. (Take in mind, all of this was told to me by our DD, i have no recolection of any of this) apperently I got suck in a barbed wire fence and cut my leg, and ripped my jeans, after the fence it was down hill and I guess I couldnt walk at all, and I was falling so much that the guy I was with had to carry me back to the car. Apperently it took us much longer than anyone to get back to the DD’s car, and when I arrived my shirt was around my waist….I passed out again for the car ride and then woke up saying OMMMG IM GONNA PISS MYSLEFFF, so she pulled over and i publicly pee’d in front of the grocery store. Next thing I know I’m waking up in the morning with bruises and a horrible headache.
and then my friend proceeded to tell me the whole night
FYI the guy i hooked up with was my bff, and we are still bffs, we joke about this night all the time, nbd