what happens when we leave? do I forget your middle name, and your favorite flavor of ice cream? Do we fade away like we swore we never would? Do we perch on opposite ends of the country slowly forgetting each other's existance? Because honestly...
I honestly don't know why I even like you. You're a jerk, a player, and you don't care about me anymore, but maybe the reason why I'm holding on is because in the back of my mind, I still believe that underneath everything, the guy I fell for still exists.
I liked the days when boys were written down on paper listed on your top 5, instead of you carrying them in your heart. When you would brag about how cool your parents were, instead of talking about how they now ruinyour lives. When the only reason you didn’t want to get out of bed for school was because you were sleepy, & now it’s because each day is astruggle. While hide & seek was the coolest game, instead of guys seeing how many girls they can go out with at one time. When you wished uponbirthday candles, & now you wish on a boy who is holding your heart. The days when you were just a kid who still had their innocence, & now you’re a teenager who knows everything has changed.
“It is about waking up and realizing that at some point in the past we’ve gone to the toilet and thrown up our dreams without even realizing that society has stuck its fingers down our throat”— Charles Bukowski (via thechocolatebrigade)
Today we blocked a scene in drama that we never had before. I had hardly run over my lines and actually found myself emotionally invested in the scene, and suddenly it wasn’t a play anymore. Suddenly it was a flash forward, a terrifying image of what could be if I don’t take the jump. And in those 4 lines I realized how I felt. I realized how I had been feeling all along. And I realized I need to jump and fall, because one day you won’t be there for me, one day you’ll get tired of waiting and move on. And I can’t let that happen.
I’ve honestly never been more terrified in my entire life. Not only am I scared of what you’ll say, but I’m scared of the emotions I’m feeling. Never have I felt this way before, and I really hope its not another stupid thing. I want you to mean it when you tell me I’m gorgous and I want you to think I’m your everything.
I hate it when you tell me other girls are pretty, or when you comment on how funny someone is. And I hate that I pushed you away.