I’m petrified of dying
Not because it will hurt
Because I won’t have enough time
There are so many things I want to do before I go
I have to do
Be on Real World
Get a tattoo
Go bungee jumping
Go to Europe
Learn a new language
Get my first crappy part time job
Learn how to cook
Land a role as an actress
Fall in love
Fight and makeup
Marry the love of my life
Have my Daddy walk me down the isle
Be a newlywed
Buy a house & have a pink toaster
Hold my first baby
Watch her grow up
Learn from them
Be a grandma
Stay in love
Make a difference
I just want to be happy
I am so afraid I won’t have enough time
But then I look at the ones I’ve lost
Thinking about everything they’ve done
Everything they’ve acomplished
Travels, first loves, wild crazy rides
We’re all robbed of time.
And that’s what I wish for this Christmas.
Just for more time.
For all of us.
What’s it like for you?
Do you get that lip bitting stomach spin?
Is your face permently plastered with an unhideable smile?
Do you find your heart replaced with a warm mug of sticky sweet?
Can you bare to think of anyone else’s hand in your own?
Does your mind have that constant battle of dismissing all logic?
Do all Hollywood blockbusters suddenly embody your every emotion?
No matter how close you get, is it ever close enough?
Are there even words to describe it?
I hate to be the cynic,
But sometimes I don’t believe boys can love like girls love
In all honesty…as much as it shames me to say…
I just don’t believe a boy could love me
Gosh that sounds so cryptic
Boys fall in love with girls who were made from a romantic comedy
Boys fall in love with girls that turn heads and grab hearts
I hate the be the cynic,
But despite what I’ve been told,
Sometimes I wonder if you truly loved me.
I found the slip of paper I buried away in my drawer, next to old postcards & paperclips
That little rectangle of cardstock that made my world spin
With 7 lines of your boyish script jotting it down like a grocery list
I amazes me how simple our feelings were back then.
In love, and forever to be in love, plain as day.
Where did that go, sinking down with high school study nights & homecoming dances?
Down with new year’s kisses and spending way too much time at the beach.
I locked my love for you in a box in the back of my head, right next to the rationality
Did you have a box? Or did it burn down with that final week of my tears.
Because if you did…
I don’t think you could have done what you did
Nor could you walk by me with nothing left in the air
And I’ll be the first to admit it, despite my stubbornness to allude I’m better off
I still miss you.
You never forget your first love.
That feeling when two sets of eyes meet like they’ve met before
The room was spinning like pirouettes on hardwood floors
I tried to catch my breath but all I could smell was that party & my heart throbbing
I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but I’d be lying if I said I forgot the moment
When time stood still projected on the football field, tempting to pass but never daring
Knowing that things would never fall the same after this moment
That moment movies surround
That moment mere mortals only dream of
They call it falling for a reason, my arms put up no fight, my legs only running deeper
And there I went, headfirst drowning in a hollywood blockbuster script
Stacking promises on promises building the childish fort of those expectations
My smile could have cracked the grin on even the dullest of dukes
That infectious sheer happiness eluding from every part of my being
Begging to be closer, taking my own dives headfirst into trusted murky waters
I can never regret something that made me so happy
But my dear you can’t play the part that well, I am no fool
We had each other at hello
& this is not our goodbye